Epic Haribo Sugar Free Gummy Bears Funny Review
With the rise in popularity of clean eating, information technology seems like everyone is jumping aboard the gluten-free, saccharide-costless, dairy-free bandwagon. And while this may exist good for the body, it's bad for the sweet tooth.
This is why, when Haribo, America's #1 selling Gummi Behave visitor brought out their Sugar-FREE gummy bears, people couldn't await to get their hands on the gastronomic delights they had been craving.
They should have waited. For, like, always.
The bears promised to exist the "perfect snack." Afterward all, they were free of the large 5 villains of the food earth – sugar, dairy, gluten, fat, and basics. So what that they came with a warning characterization that reads:
Consumption of some sugar-complimentary candies may cause breadbasket discomfort and/or a laxative effect. Individual tolerance volition vary. If this is the first time you've tried these candies, we recommend beginning with i-fourth of a serving size or less.
They were CANDIES and they were SUGAR-Gratuitous! Win-win.
However, presently after they came to market, people started to discover that there were some, um, adverse side effects. The gummies erred less on the gastronomic end of the scale and more on the gastrointestinal end. Rather than cleansing the palate, they apple-pie the colon. In rather a nasty and explosive style.
And thanks to the power that is Amazon.com, word soon got out.
People began posting reviews. They used words similar "Satan Bears," and "Devil Gummies!!" and "Death."
People used "flowing" language to draw their experiences. Words like "diarrhea pour" and "hot molten lava."
Others just used a whole lotta language. Probable because they had a lot of time on their hands. Just sitting and shitting. Forever and ever. Like poor Joshua here, writing a novella at iv am…
Only Joshua would soon beg for the cramping of 1,000 crunches over what was to happen next. Considering those itty fragmentary bears? Were about to unleash a fecal fiasco of epic proportions.
Even so Joshua isn't the only i who likened it to a massacre. Oh no. Erin compared it to a nuclear bomb topped off with an enema.
And lest you think people are exaggerating their crappy claims, she assures you "It's all true…all of it." And she would know. She paid a heavy toll for the promise of sugar-free, a piece of her very soul.
One man fifty-fifty claimed, "I accept seen the face of God," afterward beingness brutally attacked inside an inch of his life by 5 small-scale gummy bears.
Speaking of God…Holy Mother of God.
And when these demon gummies team upward with practiced ol' Montezuma? Hell hath no fury like a viscous deport seeking revenge, apparently. Hello Gastrointestinal Armageddon.
Some say information technology'due south even a fate worse than decease. Beyond awful. It kills the lowly creatures, turns locals into refugees, and leaves y'all abandoned, to suffer in the rancid stank of your own making. Like TechWhiz:
…The stench quickly overcame the exhaust fan, passive air freshener, droplets spray, and tightly closed door. It was beyond atrocious. In an try to save others in the firm from a fate worse than death, I even risked waddling to the door between liquid explosions to stuff a dampened towel to futilely seal the gap.
Several spiders which had made their dwelling house unnoticed in the exhaust fan housing dropped down stone cold dead. Doors slammed as my married woman and children instantly became refugees instantly grabbing hats and coats and fled seeking breathable air elsewhere. I was abandoned and left alone to suffer my fate. The peculiar and noxious smell is putrid and penetrating. It is worse than burnt pilus.
And for i human being? He just begged, "Rapture me, please lord." Release him from the misery of "decomposed zombie gummy bear southward***" that has turned his "ass into a to-scale model of Mt.St.Helens, violently spewing what smells like a public bus filled with homeless people with fresh perms, in United mexican states City".
And whose final hope "is that the force of gas propelling from my anus may be potent enough to disturb Satan himself in hell. And that he is so angered by this that he sends an entire fleet of brave minions to come up through the toilet and put me out of my misery." Amen.
But it'southward non all bad. At that place is an upside to the untold agony of having your insides ripped clean out of your body by satanic squishy bears. Or more accurately, the insides of others. I hateful, really, what better way is there to stop your co-workers from stealing your lunch?
Subsequently all, they say that revenge is sweet.
Simply just make certain that you only requite them to someone that you really hate. Because according to this reviewer, it's beyond anything you could ever possibly imagine.
Then came the, uh, flatulence. Heavens to Murgatroyd, the sounds, like trumpets calling the demons back to Hell…the stench, similar i,000 rotten corpses vomited. I couldn't stand up to stay in one room for fear of succumbing to my own odors.
But wait; there's more. What came out of me felt similar someone tried to funnel Niagara Falls through a coffee harbinger. I swear my sphincters were screaming.
Information technology felt similar my fragile starfish was a gaping maw projectile vomiting a torrential flood of toxic waste. 100% liquid. Flammable liquid. NAPALM. It was actually a bit humorous (for a nanosecond)equally it was only beyond annihilation I could imagine possible.
Even with all of the negative reviews, Haribo Sugar-Gratuitous Gummi Bears yet managed to garner a 3.five-star rating out 5. Neat for a product that is literally the shits.
Source: https://filterfreeparents.com/these-funny-amazon-reviews-for-sugar-free-gummi-bears-will-have-you-shtting-your-pants/
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